Short term pain, long term gain.

Recently I find myself struggling a lot trying to deal with my problems. As graduation is coming soon, I realize it’s a huge milestone. A milestone I really wish a certain somebody was present for. Too bad his mother was too selfish (selfish might be an understatement) to allow her only son to visit me from Houston, knowing we’ve been waiting for this moment for a year, sacrificing a lot of our high school experiences just for us. It’s a lot more complicated than I can explain here, but trust me. I hate myself for being impatient,  being plain rude when I heard this news from his mother - in one text. I lashed it out on him the next day, saying that if this Summer wasn’t to work, I was gonna give up on us. How could I wait another year, with false hope all because of his mother, and go through the process all over again- and for the fact that I was starting college soon, it wouldn’t have been just one more year. ‘Cheers to 4 more years’ is what I would’ve been saying; remember, I said this all out of anger to him, when it wasn’t even his fault. Now it’s been a week since we’ve talked, and it kills me that maybe, just maybe if I had reacted differently, we could’ve still been at least talking trying to find another solution. There’s always a way right? And now I think I really screwed it up. I can’t help but to blame myself for how I reacted. All of a sudden the one person I always loved and relied on, is the hardest person to talk to. 

I’m also a big believer in how everything happens for a reason though. And I really hope that sooner or later, I’ll thank how this happened. I really do. Inshallah.